Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Often times, a man is called into action, not for political gains, oppression, or conquest, but for equality, freedom, and the pursuit of more Internet traffic. Glenn "the puppy blender" Reynolds has ruled the Bloggsphere with an iron fist, doling out crumbs of traffic only striping it away to destroy smaller blogs and convince others of his great Internet prowess and blogging power. Through his puppy blending and hobo killing , the evil Darth Reynolds has added to my future profession's less than stellar reputation. In considering these factors, I have decided to join the rebellion against him. I came to this difficult decision after much internal debate, contemplation, and Beer. To those who wish to remain neutral I say to you:

On August 13, 2003,the greatest question was decided which ever was debated in the Bloggsphere; and a greater perhaps never was, nor will be, decided among men and women. A resolution was passed with few dissenting Bloggs, that those United Bloggs are, and of right ought to be, free and independent from InstaPundit.

It is in vain to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace--but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding keyboard striking! Our brethren are already on the Net! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains, slavery, and low traffic? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me more daily visitors or give me death!

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and personal satisfaction with low Internet traffic which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The dogmas of the quiet past Internet are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our Bloggsphere. It is a principle incorporated into the settled policy of Bloggsphere, that as peace is better than war, war is better than low traffic. The Rebellion against the Puppy Blender has proved that our free Bloggsphere, like other free Internet organizations, though slow in its early movements, acquires, in its progress, a force proportioned to its freedom. It is this Freedom that we seek! Sure I am this day we are masters of our fate, that the task which has been set before us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance. As long as we have faith in our own cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us.